Tuesday, May 27, 2008

HATCHING MY EVIL PLOT

So I'm talking total gibberish to dad and throw in the word "snack" a few times. He mentions that he is going to call mom and tell her to pick up a "Hot and Ready" on the way home from taking the munchkins in for their 2 week check-ups. So, I keep yammering the words "howwaweddy" and the old man at no time produces a pizza box.

So now I am forced to devise an evil plot, as is obvious from my evil grin and Dick Cheney hand wringing.

So, mere seconds after Dad goes into the bathroom and does this whole lock the door thing (which is new, cause he says I have gotten a little "pokey" what ever that means). So he goes in, closes the door, and I run straight for the freezer and pull out a Totinos (which is like cardboard with Ketchup and baloney, and lets be honest, a Hot and Ready from Little Caesars is barely edible, but dad would rather eat dirt than stand in a checkout line).

So I pull out the Totinos, throw it in the microwave and push the "clear", "add 1 minute", and "start" buttons, just like dad taught me (because he is too lazy to make chicken nuggets for me at lunchtime so he taught me how to do it myself, what am I 4?)

So anyway, Dad comes out of the bathroom, and hears this 'ding ding', so he walks around like a moron checking the washer and dryer (the dryer is on top of the washer, I am like 3 feet tall, who would look at something 6 feet off the ground?) then looks at the stove, then checks his phone, finally he rolls around to the microwave, opens it and sees my culinary masterpiece, but for some reason doesn't look to happy that I took care of our little "starvation episode" that we were having.

So check this out, he then takes the pizza out of the microwave, puts it in the trash.


But does it end there?

I'm thinking a 2 minute time-out and a lecture, but this guy never ceases to amaze me..

He doesn't yell, or send me to the stairs, he decides instead to make a spectacle of this incident, get this, he goes over to the garbage can, pulls out the pizza, and puts it back in the microwave and does this whole "dramatic recreation" all Americas Most Wanted style and takes a picture for your viewing pleasure.


So what am I supposed to learn from this incident? We take stuff out of the garbage and pretend to cook it for dramatic effect?

Wait till I tell mom that dad is taking food out of the garbage and putting it in the microwave, I doubt this will look good when it comes time for "Responsible Dad of the Year" voting.

No comments: