Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Plastic Surgery and Chocolate Cheerios Don't Mix!

So Twin #1 had an exciting day yesterday. He came bounding down the stairs bright and early, and as he was climbing up the side of our bed to give mama-bear some snuggles, he slipped and fell and cut his ear pretty badly.

So wife yells out to me as I was walking out the door to head to work, I run back and get there and Twin #1 was crying a little but, but not freaking out. I grabbed a wash cloth and cleaned him up and tried to piece the ear back together with a bandage, to some moderate success.

Then I took him to the couch to watch some TV and eat chocolate cheerios (his request) while wife got ready to go to the hospital with him.

Now this might seem like trivial information until you find out that the cheerios caused a big hullabaloo when they got to the hospital.

So the doc decides that they have to sedate him before they could sew him back up, as opposed to say, just giving the kid a bottle of Jackie D, a wooden block to bite down on, a pat on the back and an "'addaboy" like they did when I was a kid.

Apparently the guys that sedated my kid went to 39 years of school to learn all about the drugs, quantities and timing needed to pull off this incredible feat, but skipped the class when they told them how to adjust all of the ratios for when a kid ate a half a bowl of cheerios.

Seems to me like they should have covered that somewhere along the way to graduation.

According to A.C. Nielsen Financial Services, Cheerios is the most popular breakfast cereal, which tells me only one thing, apparently most of the free world does not have access to Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys, because if they did, this would be the number 1 cereal in the world. Not a single whole grain anywhere to be found in this delicious 35 oz bag, available at Walmart and probably not at any foo-foo fine foods store near you.

Plagiarized Item: "The cereal Cheerios has become so popular that physicists have coined the phrase "cheerio effect" when discussing fluid mechanics, meaning the tendency for small obliging floating objects to attract one another like opposite poles on magnets. This has also been called "cheerio magnetization." An example of the phenomenon is the way the breakfast cereal tends to form clumps as it clings to the sides of a bowl when immersed in liquid."

So, I propose that in order to justify their pay, anesthesiologists should have to at least be able to adjust for the Cheerio effect when knocking someone out, it is not like America is looking for them to know about all cereals, just one, the most popular one.

Obama, are you listening? If this is already included in your healthcare bill, please excuse me for not having seen that part, despite me having read the entire thing (true story).

Monday, August 30, 2010

Little Guy Drops Double Bogey!

It is all to often when Little Guy does something that really impresses me (which is probably a direct result of recently implementing a plan by which I continually lower my expectations). Saturday, however, he actually blew me away!

It was a normal boring Saturday, I was just doing nothing basically, and wife was trying to get Little Guy to stop whining and clinging to her leg, when she suggested that Little Guy and I go do something. 

So, lacking any original thoughts, we decided to go golfing.

It had been a couple of weeks since we had gone, so we decided to just hit up a Little Guy friendly Joe Balander Short Course. 

It is a par 3 course with only 4 holes, but they don't care how many times you play through, although they do state that that you should play a max of 2 balls at a time.

So the first 2 holes, Little guy performed exactly as expected with a 17 and 18 respectively, it wasn't until the 3rd hole, a 103 yard par 3 that he did his most impressive work. 

The tee-box sits up on a hill, so the hole plays down and up, little guy pulled out his driver, set his tee and ball (by himself finally) lined up and cracked a nice little 78 yard drive (this was measured by my paces so maybe not entirely accurate, but close enough). 

I was lucky enough to get a picture of his drive on this hole (left)

This put him about 20 yards short of the pin, so he pulled out his 7 iron and popped the ball up onto the fringe just short of the green. 

At this point he decided to go with his putter rather than try to chance over shooting the hole with an iron.

He hit his first for par too hard and flew by the pin and finally rolled to a stop about 10 feet away. 

His bogey putt was almost perfect and rolled to a stop about 2 feet from the hole (picture below of his double bogey lie).

He was pretty excited by now, so he lined up his shot, moved his feet around a few times, steadied his putter, and released with a fierce determination, struck the ball firmly and watched it roll right in.

After is sunk, I told him that he had just made a double bogey, and he was really excited because he knows that is pretty good (mostly because we have Tiger Woods '06 Golf on the PSP and he gets excited when he gets a bogey or double bogey). 

It was like he just won the Master's and told me that he was going to use the winnings to buy us matching Zondas.  It was that good.

Nice Work Little Guy!

The rest of the game was pretty routine, Little Guy played a couple of really nice shots out of a bunker, and rolled a few really well placed putts.

 I hit a really nice drive with the 4 Wood on 2, dropping the ball just 10 feet from the pin.  I haven't had a ton of luck with it lately, but Saturday it performed well for me, thank goodness because my driver would have been deep in the woods on these short holes.

The weather was brutal, again.  but the good golfing, double bogey and large chocolate milkshake made it all worth it.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Beauhunk with a Mohawk debuts Beauhunks©

So Little Guy and I have been hatching another evil plot to hook him up with a mohawk.  The timing just never seems right though.

Every time we suggest it, Wife decides it is time for the annual Balboa Family photo-shoot again.

The odd thing is that we bring up this mohawk idea every couple of weeks or so, so I have begun questioning the use of the word "Annual".

That said, this dome whack is pretty sweet, and it comes not a minute too soon as in conjunction with the new cut, I am also going to use this occasion to debut my new line of custom dress shirts under the label Beauhunks.

This is my first ever completely finished custom dress shirt, hopefully one of many.  I have done a few others, but they have also lacked some minor details like cuffs, buttons, etc.

Additionally, don't judge me for using my kid to hock my wares, he works cheap (he did this shoot for a little package of fruit snacks, sucka') and he is rockin' cute, especially when he gets all "air guitar" in the middle of a shoot.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

City Slickers - Family Adventures on The Farm

So you may not believe that the Balboa family knows how to rough it, but I thought we did a pretty good job for our first family outing to a real farm. 

As you can see from the pictures below, we dressed in last years clothes (as wife didn't want to ruin anything that actually fit right now, which I don't understand because it is not like any of the current duds are going to fit in 3 weeks anyway.)

One of my co-workers was really generous to invite us out to her farm and see her animals. 

They raise Longhorns, so I thought it would be fun to take the boys out to see that longhorns aren't just a white silhouette logo against a burnt orange background denoting their uncles' Alma Mater, rather it is a real animal. 

Next year we are going to make a pilgrimage to Ohio and stare at a Buckeye tree for a few days.  I am especially excited about that trip.  I don't know what the boys are going to say when they find out that a Buckeye is a nut and not some really cool guy with a big head that does back flips in a scarlet and gray striped outfit.

I am sad that I didn't get a good picture of Twin #1 here, but he had wandered off to the middle of a field to see a horse and when we looked up he was petting the horse, all alone, and trying to feed him a grape.

Many of you know that Twin #1 is our shy guy, so it was eye opening to see him trying to make friends with a horse.

I kick myself for not bringing my camera for this,  that would have been the money shot of the day. 

I did catch him on his way back to us though.

Little guy has been on a horse, but I'm not sure if he got to ride one all by himself before. 

My coworker called some of her neighbors and they rode their horses over to share with us.  They let little guy ride all by himself and he did a pretty good job.

He started to get the hand of stopping and turning, but had a tough time getting the horse to go.  We probably have plenty of time to figure that out, heaven only knows where he would end up if he knew what he was doing.

Twin #2 also had a pretty god time riding horses.  He didn't get to go it alone, but it was still hard to get him off the horse once he got on.

I heard nothing but "horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride, horsey ride," from him for the rest of the day.

The biggest hit of the day thought may have been the 4 wheeler.

What was odd was that we never even started it up, the boys just wanted to get on it and pretend to ride.

I would have loved to take them for a ride, but there was some issue about helmets and safety and a bunch of other theoretical nonsense arguments being made.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Why Buy a BMW? Confessions of a 4 Year Old

So I got home yesterday, kissed the wife, you know, one of those 1950's walk in the door in my brown Tweed 3 button suit, dip my fedora to the lady with one hand, and scoop her around the back with the other while spinning a 3/4 circle lowering her into a medium dip and planting on her a soft, children on-looking appropriate, soft kiss to the lips.

Upon finishing my best "Leave it to Beaver" Ward Cleaver impersonation, Wife says, as if accusing The Beaver himself:

Wife: "Do you know what your son said today?"

Now I know what you are thinking, because it was the same thing I was thinking, the little guy let out a "Dam%" or a "H@lls Yes", but get a load of this:

Wife: "We were driving along and Little Guy looked out the window and saw a guy in a BMW, and then asked me"

Little Guy: "Mom, why would anyone buy a BMW, when they could buy a Zonda, that's just STUPID."

I love that kid.

BTW, I tried to get some pictures into this, but someone jacked my account and it won't let me put in pictures.