Friday, September 28, 2012

Brig Wins Emperor of Atlantis Engineering Medal of Galactic Freedom

So, in a closed door meeting I was recently awarded the Emperor of Atlantis Engineering Medal of Galactic Freedom.  I know what you are thinking, "WOW, Brig is a pretty awesome guy if he can win an award so awesome and prestigious that I have never heard of it, he must be a member of the Galactic .005%, hobnobbing with the Masters of the Universe at parties I will never be invited to."

That could be true.  I am pretty awesome.

But it got me thinking,as He-Man awarded me the Flying Purple Titanium Tiger, which is the symbol of the Atlantis Engineering Medal of Galactic Freedom,  did I really deserve this?

I was also thinking that He-Man was really small, he told me it was so he could fit inside the TV, that seemed to make a lot of sense. How else was he going to get in there?

Sure, the Thunder Cats were there cheering me on, the entire Legion of Doom was there, [though I'm not sure how Grod got there, last night he got captured by Batman in the #2 Little Reader that I read to the boys] . 

Snake Eyes said some nice things about me including:  "“We see a great deal of emphasis and attention paid to ensuring that people know about galactic Freedom,"  he continued, “That is a really important message.”

Aqua Man, the self appointed acting Chairman of the Emperor of Atlantis Engineering Medal of Galactic Freedom Selection Committee showed the Grand Assembly an un-sourced document citing my promotion of galactic nuclear nonproliferation and a "new climate" in intergalactic relations that I had fostered by giving a speech to my 4 year old twins before bed last night, but especially in reaching out to the Martian world by advising others not to stereotype all of them as being big-headed green automatons.

“Over the past four years, Brig has gone to great efforts to make asteroids less menacing and distant planets more accessible than ever, and to provide people with information about those planets that they can use in their daily lives,” said Voltron, who noted that Brig also received an award for his commitment to open inter-planetary travel. However a press release later that day noted "The March 2011 presentation of that award was held shortly after Brig blew up one of the several planets that served only mayo on their super-sized galacto-burgers, Brig prefers mustard."

As I continued to ponder the great honor that I had received and whether my actions warranted such accolades, I ran across this story on Bloomberg.com. The article talks about how even though your actions are in direct opposition to the award being given, the fact that you may have "emphasized" or "encouraged" the importance and necessity of the underlying good work is enough to earn the honors of self appointed honor bestowers [not a word BTW] for actually accomplishing that great work, even though you didn't.

So, in the spirit of giving people awards for hypocrisy and self delusion.  I will award great praise and benevolent honors (and a medal [will probably be plastic, which is probably why it is not spelled "metal"] to the reader that leaves the best comment "promoting" some great cause or idea for which you have absolutely no intention of ever working to improve or fulfill.  Good Luck!


1 comment:

Colby Crabtree said...

I support the continued research of why the sky is blue, because the answer they give to us in jr high school science class is full of crap.