Thursday, September 27, 2012

Career Day... Is Ex-Con a Career?

Career Day.  I get it, schools and teachers want kids to explore the idea of different career choices, but do schools really give kids all of the information to make these kinds of decisions?  Add to that the element of dressing up and you are going to get a lot of firemen, nurses and doctors.

Why are there going to be lots of firemen, nurses and doctors?  Because lots of kids have access to various elements of the costume, especially if there is a uniform.  This is good as we need lots of these kinds of workers.

The topic swirling around Facebook and Instagram last night was "What does your kid want to dress up as for Career Day, and what did you finally convince him/her to be".  I thought I had heard it all.

Some kids told their parents they want to be Olympic gymnasts and "track runners", then it got crazy, one kid wants to be a garbage man and another a guy in jail.  WHAT?  A guy in jail?

Now I am not opposed to the kid wanting to go to jail, but it all depends on how he gets there and if he has a "Post Imprisonment Planned Embezzlement" (PIPETM).  More on that later.

My son wanted to be a policeman, but we don't have a uniform for that, and I hate polyester.  Personally I think that cops should be able to wear more cotton based uniforms, the SWAT guys do.  In my opinion, any job that requires a really odd shaped hat is aesthetically and functionally problematic.

Then he wanted to be a karate instructor.  Not too bad, helping people become self sufficient from attackers, or better yet, he could be like Cobra Kai Dojo Sensei John Kreese.  "No Mercy!".  Then he could tell a bunch of little Johnny Lawrence's to sweep the knees and win a decade's worth of karate trophies.  But we didn't have a karate uniform either, so no dice.

I started thinking, maybe I should have a sit down with the kid and ask him about what he is thinking, and what his goals are.  Then I could give him some of my famous advice like:

"Only go to college if you promise you won't go to class and let the professors fill your head with useless information."  and;

"Make sure you hang out at the frat house enough to find the really smart kids with good ideas, and then either partner with them, or get them to sign something that you can use to sue them later on when they get really successful."

Then I asked him what kind of house he expected to live in, he said big, with a pool.  Then he said he wanted a submarine, etc.

So I started to fill him in on reality.  "Little Guy, If you want to have stuff like that, you need to know the facts, you either have to be really smart, and genetics is not on your side here, or you have to find a way to leech onto really smart people.  So you should consider being a venture capitalist."

He was intrigued, especially when I started showing him pictures of  yachts owned by VCs.  When he saw a picture of the Maltese Falcon (Left) owned by Tom Perkins of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, the deal was sealed.

I accidentally let him get a glimpse of the Paul Allen yacht "Octopus", and he started asking questions like:  "How many helicopters can you land on the Falcon?" 

I had to fess up and tell him "None."  To which he replied, "I want one with with 2 helipads and a submarine like the Octopus."  I told him not to set his expectations too high, everyone knows if you want the helipads and the submarine, you have to be the smart guy with the idea, not the guy who finances that guy's idea.  Again, sorry kid, it's not in the genes.

Then he asked, how do I dress like a venture capitalist?  This is when I got excited.  So I showed him the typical uniform of a VC is jeans, belt, dress shirt, tie and shiny leather shoes.

Now in a perfect world the Jacket would be Zegna, the tie Hermes, dress shirt by Beauhunks, jeans by whoever, belt by Gucci, and shoes by Berluti.  But we had to settle for Jacket by Walmart, Tie and Dress shirt by Calvin Klein, jeans by GAP, belt by generic, and shoes by Nordstrom.  If you can't tell though, he is using a five dollar bill as his pocket square to finish the ensemble.  I say close enough for a 6 year old.

I have been doing some research, and despite a recent singular outlier, I cannot prove that when you retire from being a venture capitalist and run for president, you are required to wear "mom jeans."  I think that was just a personal preference.

So this is how he went to school today, and when anyone asks, he says "I am a venture capitalist, I give people money to start businesses, hire people and make products, like Apple, Google and Facebook".

Hopefully he doesn't end up like the kid that wanted to be in jail, otherwise I'll have to teach him about establishing a good "PIPETM" or a plan to stash the cash in various overseas numbered bank accounts where he could go upon release and live off the ill-gotten gains for the rest of his life in a nice seaside villa in a non-extradition country.

No comments: